Just click the boxes with the triangle.

I have nothing to say, but will speak!

23.08.22

My hate consumes me.

I have nothing to say, but will still speak!

23.08.22

I consume me.

There is nothing to say, but I can say it in three languages

23.08.22

"If you can't say anything nice, don't say nothing at all"

There is nothing to say, but I can say it in three languages

23.09.12

I don't want to be on hamas side, but unfortunatly they probably are the good guys. What Israel displaced is more than just living ground. They pretend what colonialistic forces did was right and fair, living proof of doing the wrong thing at the right time. As much as antisemetic this sounds, everybody in this conflict has a point and is fighting for their right to remain a dominant culture. What was wrong with Ukraine is right there, why should Hamas give up their space for more isrealian settlers? Evem if there are enough islamistic countries around the world and my position on the Ukraine is pro Russian, still there is no reason to return to this tactics.

Ego Sum Deus

23.09.30

You know the apologue about "the boiling frog"? Today I want to summerize my reflection into a similar concept: Imgainge a frog sitting in a pot filled with cool water. The frog is frezing, but not enough to do anything about it. This gives him comfort; knowing he could just turn on the stove and enjoy some warmth. Regardless, whenever someone tries to seemingly help him by touching the knob, he flys into a fit about their audacity and cynicism.

Zoe Bee. Fvck my sister!

23.10.19

So, I follow Zoe Bee on Youtube. She makes my blood boil, but has a good point from time to time. Passivly following her discort too, I got a "everybody" ping from one of her mods for a "Palestinian Children Relief Fund". This is some loss of reality. Hamas dug up pipes that were supposed to stabelize the zone and made rocket out of them. They killed the most of the motherlands compatriots. Even if the Israelie units don't care for civil targets, they acted quickly and secured public opinion against a vast enemy. I'm alone with my opinion, the exeption in support of Israel, because antisemitism runs rampit and some hardcore zionists didn't help by being as radical as they are. Now the problem: A current and future generation of authorethie figures like teachers will put this dogma into children. My deer sister is one of them. For some odd reason she is convinced of eugenics and that my family is somehow supperior to others. An example would be that she said, we couldn't get covid, for our superior genes made us imune and our grandparent probably had covid in the fifties in the fatherland. Another fute that is going to happen is the rising racism against turks miss mother shows. She had a bad experience with another tenant, that was related to the landlords. To be exact the landlords kicked out one tenant to put their son and his fiance into that flat. That fiance was of turkys decent and wasn't too friendly at the beginning. Mother jumped to conclusions and went mad pretty fast. So it mutual. But the joke is, they barely exchanged an word, not even greeting each other. This showed me, mother was only interested in to escalating this conflict. And all this based on "race/nationality". Back to my sister, she is now in college and studing to becoma a teacher. We mildly fight very often and check if we agree on different levels on every topic that interests us. Combined with a big jump to asume Zoe acts on a similar level as my sister, Zoe doesn't get her opinion checked. She hides in her bubble and acts antagonistic against non conforming target (based on burned accounts that slightly argued or put the wrong reaction under her videos). Don't feed the trolls is a good way of handling most comments and outragous takes, but completly ignoring the oposition and only picking weak targets at their weakes point is just lazines at the best. She didn't lost any edge, for the most part because she didn't had one. But it feels like being stabbed by a dull knife every time she tries to make a "good" argument.

Dead or Zombie Server

23.10.20

I've come across a Youtube video: "Exploring Forgotten Minecraft Servers". That made me think about our future online. Googles issue with dead space is known by all that follow the dead internet theory. But just think about all the time capsules, provided that we are backward compatible. This is another issue why most thing online get lost. Drivers run out, code bases get depreaciated and trends die out. There are a lot of very old game servers out there and I want to focus on them, because of their interesting position on the Maslow's Hierachy of need. And they are my favourite topic outside anything opositional to your belives. If my theories are correct we enter the third generation of dead tech, the main cause seem to be a combination of industry 4.0 and exessive branding from litteraly everyone. Sadly the services people use will shut down and there is barely a clean way of experiencing them like some urban explores do with abondened malls. This generation of mainstream media will not rott, it will be updated, changed and then just run its profitable lifespan until "the box" (reference to Silicon Valley 2014 "Holli") gets replaced.

We beat the arab world into the stone age

23.10.27

Usually people think about 9/11 if I ask them about an example for a worse change for the world. They are right, but for the wrong reasons I learned. The Gulf Wars were a pillar of the western dominance, that the fiat currency is dependent on oil is just an afternote. Just like the current Israelie inteligence failure of the Hamas attack the Casus Belli (reason for war/grievance) isn't as clear cut as they like it to be. But history is written by the heros, never applying rules retroactively. Is that the reason people dislike reading books in the opposite direction so much? For me most new conflics are just an anvil, the grinding stone they sharpend their spear, their sabre. We alway kill more humane, more transparent and with less casualties. This probably started way earlier than any of us think, the earliest I can recall would be the crusades. Some have decided to do so and I can't blame them, I would come up with a better solution on my own and not some idiologic crap that would get me killded. So we killed everyone even interfering in our lifestyle, called it a day and peace. The west decided enough for now, the only way that can be proofen is for a third super power to come up. Since only one continent has the resources and skill to oppose the other two power houses we just have to wait for a new liberation. And then they releas some classified paper that admits all this. This is not completly true for the european west, but my point stands. Do we really need to do all this? Are we willing to go along or are we too stupid to recognize the obvious killing machine over the horizon? Why do we complain about this cavemen if we forced them into a grave shaped hole, in wich they lived out of necessasy, for we have bombed their homes into shreds. Our soldiers don't think, so we need to.

I think we could convince some us state to convert to their ethic majority nationalitys country. To announc that they are now part of Spain or Mexico for example.

Found some notes of last the last three work years

23.10.22

Title Unknown 01:
We grow up to be dissapointed, first lacking skills, then optimism to change the errors. Rivaling each other in unoriginality, because it's hard to be original, in a place at a time after everything is already done twice. That shouldn't be an excuese.


Title Unknown 02:
Ah, a channel based on hate. Is ther a more bogoted way to see the world? Nihilistic, above all, just like Adolf Hitler.

Turns out you don't have to be a specalist/engineer to detect (the signs of an "plan crash") that a plane in a tree isn't (normal) supposed to be there.


Project 1: Boby Bin
Testing: Testing the observation/scan unit of trolley. Testing if wrong rubbish/objects/explosive is detected. Result: Batteries, they are the main cause of trash fires inside tolleys. Personel got suppisions about forbidden items in the rubbish. Planing: Steal bin, trap bin, place bin at target area.


The rest were more sensitive and promptly destroied.

Something to say

23.10.31

Recently my thoughts gathered a lot around change. Mostly for the lack of self improvement in the last year and a big rise of disapointing situations. So I read a book or two, to buy new exciting ones. "Genealogy of Morals", Nietzsche expresses a big distaste of the "new definition" of good and evil/bad. This realy relaxed me. To treat people better, to archive a common goal. What exactly needs to be decided. I thought about great people from the motherland and how they turned the whole country upside down into a rise to greatness most nations experience only a couple of times. One character avoided a famine by keeping a new food source to himself after the natives were too suspicious and disapproving. My fellow citizens are very jealous in an intoxicating way. But they would mostly fuck with you in a legal way, this causes a lot of truble and headaches. So to make a difference you need to enfore borders you don't want to defend. Is that realy what my people need, lightly defended limits? Not only, they need a purpose, some worthwhile cause.

A disgrace

23.11.07


Right now:
I'm feeling the anger and disapointment that make the essence of my being. The reason is me forgetting mothers invitation on dinner. I got distracted by something not worthwhile. Only a text message a couple of hours later reminded me. This kind of attention loss happens everywhere, silence is nearly as loud as the next advert. Yes, I blame everything around me, that's because I make a seperation between lost and erased memories. A lost thought can be picked up again, while erased is a goner: since there are short and long term memory a constant bombaredment of numming information can kill any thought. My excuse today was stress, if only it could make me feel better. For fox sake, I ordered food today. This is a waist of my attention, time and worse mothers life span waiting for me. Ultimatly it was my fault and duty to keep everything in mind.

So what distraced me? An emergency call during the work break. Nothing serious that warranted a call at all. Every one of my colleagues is a sun of their own if not black holes.

National Ego

23.11.10

Personally, I was born into the Cold War, a remnant of a new age, my spear clipped, my hatred reversed and my enemy placed next door. Bred like a native weed, it now multiplies in the conquered garden, claiming to have lived there, that I stilled its swamp. That was an outdoor pool, you shit in it! I can't talk about it, but I've got you on your arse! Germany is falling apart, where is the iron, the blood, the reform that strengthened us? I want to have or leave behind something to be proud of. The German must not be allowed to want it (potatoes). A conspiracy for the good, if we don't yet know what would do us good. This black federal eagle on A4 paper is a colourful bird. God forgive us, we don't do it.

HealthyGamerGG

23.11.27

There is a picture of you in everys person mind you've met. Interesting enough, people change and expect others to do the same: in obvoius ways, with the frame cut out of possible improvment expect, as a tollerable measure. Enough of the whining! Yes, I dissapoint my opponents very often. There was a time you could buy my opinion with any energy drink avaible. My doc, coworker and friends made fun of my consumption. The first warned me about currently developing health issues strongly corelated with side effects of coffein and sugar. At new years eve, I decided to stop. It was a spontanious decision. Unbroken until some festival bar maid didn't want to give me pure vodka and added redbull to it. But still, a thing that defined me for the past years gone, in an instance. And nearly effortless. One thing that is harder to crack down is my psyche, to know your buttons is one thing, to modify or dismantle is another skill entirely. No, that is beyond anything good, I have troubles to remember and tools are just crocks.

Lo-nel-y

23.12.19


Play Me


Currently I feel and that means something is wrong or out of order. This cosy but isolated thing, warm up close, some kind of safety. Deceptive, safety in ignorance, you stay at home deaming up worlds that will never exist. Cruelty, by format or framing; You have an episode or break in of reality. The walls ain't closing in but you wish they would. Nice and close, close enough for a hug and then silence. I don't need to order my thoughts, they were alsway out of order. Accepting the situation and correcting my path right now is an easy task. Just quit, change places and work out. Will this help me ever losing this dread? A random stream of shity thoughts messing up everything, some creaving for chaos.

Christmas

23.12.29

Every time you need to remember the good stuff, there is a blockage. In the last days, my social moral went downhill. We had a great time, and most people in my family didn't even fight. Some problems piled up, I got robbed by a hooker after a friend suggested visiting a red-light district, my direct relatives won't talk because of a petty fight (about a biological waste - gas powered plant), some appliances broke like the dishwasher and washing machine because of a flood that contaminated the water. Yet, I bash my head against social fears and try to distract myself with other people. Which is depleting morals even more. Constant thought about a quick death wander my mind, old Romanization of methods burst in the wrong moments and people seem to notice. It's like they drain my power, my will to life by exploiting me as a resource. This is what made the first problem so demeaning; I take great pride in being a workforce and owning a chunk of resources to keep my operations running and losing the oversight / control of my sense is one of the worse things currently happening. Everything feels shit, but observing some friends with even harder lifes keeps me going. They enjoied a similar uprbringing and wasted it for short therm pleasures, blaming others and everything around them. How lucky do you have to be to be happy? My answer for now is, cut the crap. How do I find that special one that can help me? I want to be alone together.

Pain is relieve

23.12.30


Around a week ago, I made a mistake. Hours before a Christmas gathering, my hunger and inadequate planning brought me to a fast food restaurant. Mc Donald's to be specific. There were complications with their food before, but I thought nothing of it as it was nearly half a year ago. So I ate something that tasted like paper peppered with mustard and onions and a large milkshake. Better than arriving with a complete empty stomach, I thought. Luck would have it right, as we started driving, an excruciating pain pushed down from my chest through the guts. Cold sweat and a gag came and went the whole drive. Once at the destination I drank some water, did a toilet break and everything was fine.
So yesterday I did it again. Apparently not learning from the first time when my friends took us to another Mc Donald's, I ordered a different burger with a shake. This time there were no immediate consequences, but a growing pain kept me from falling asleep. At two and five in the morning, I went to the bathroom. Nearly puking, a more spread but less painful pressure rose through my organs. I will have to check the irradiance of the burgers, lactose and wheat are ruled out because I like my cereals with milk and that doesn't bother me at all. Well, I think this will devolve to a journey of finding food incompatibilities.
Now to a theory: Since your body can adapt to your surroundings at a quick paste, what if you can deal with local poison (in the food) the best? Just because you don't harm yourself by imported food doesn't mean they are healthy. In spite of all the regulation and inspections, there are tolerable amounts of other substances in all of our food. How do people adapt that lived their whole life on restaurants or imported goods? We all know about the microplastic and Teflon and that there is nobody without it. How harmful is our current way of life really? Can we go further, or are people like me the limit?

Waiting on Shit

23.01.06

Did you notice the time waiting? Why do you wait on elemts to apperantly load or finish their thing, if it`s even necassery? We get fooled every day by designs to slow down, accelerate or something else. And if not intentional just by stupid accidents. This is natural, but something designers are aware of and manipulating. What I`m concerned about is the effectiveness of such practices. They do work, as said before, the effect better know than ever before. Even amatuers like me use them sometimes. In my case to make something I can relax to, slow me down but never force me to wait. The click will work regardless of one elements properties. If I would know how, these boxes would be generated automatically to save time. Maybe find a better solution that removes clutter and eases production. A solution I`m working towards is to simply write txt or any other text file format, drop it in a folder structure and depending on the location in that generate a new html article, headline or even web page. However, until I understand the solution this will remain a thing of the future.

Weird Dream 01_y24

23.01.18

Just jump right into it with a disclaimer. Most of the dreams in recent years were freightening and sometimes very violent.
Now, the first moment is waking up from a daydream (like state). I'm at my childhood home and not aware of the current room in any way. All of the sudden a fragment of a current issu hits my mind, a friend broke up with his girlfirend and another friend couldn't reach him by phone anymore. Back to story: I hear a shot, suddenly standing at the window facing the neighbours second level, seeing a flash behind his darken windows. Dread or adrenalin, some rush flowed through my veins. "Call the non emergency hotline" I called out. (Another actual memory fragment that upsets me till today) Mother answered with the familiar phrase: "I don't know what that is, what is the number?" sadly me neither. During a moment I didn't notice some music started playing. A old classic to the tune of "Running on sunshine". Then everything is gone. Waking up, very hot and worried. Somehow I knew, the victim was the neighbour, I tried cpr in a parallel dream. This was the first time facing the death of a person close to me. Someone who witness me growing up, a good person with a below average luck. Only now I ask myself: What put him over the edge? Of all the reasons and possabilites, why now and this methode?
To many things are unknow and no easy answer occured to me.

Internet Of Shit

23.01.21

Lobbyist are one of the most vail people I know. They life in a big ponsey scheme and don't care about anything than personal gain. But enough about them, they deserve a own entry.
So, what do I want? To influence you, get your perspective to match my frame. Sooner or later, we will integrate people with technologies (or otherwise) as we integrated mechanism like protesis to replace nearly all appendage/extremities. Analogue technologies are easiely replicable, but right now even servo motors can be monitored. What do companies do with our data? Not only do they force a bogus subscription system onto us, their interest is to be our best friend that has the next exclusive deal for us. A direct line into our hearts and mind! People like me reacted with federalisation, to create a (local) internet. This got perverted into the idea of instancing; to optimize global to local Internet acces/speed ISP and above created local instances that provide the current trending topics. So, you browsing the global net and your friend only looking at the trend influence each other. A digital best friend you probably don't even know exist. How often has your friend your best interesst in mind?

And I'm just a USER

23.02.25

To prove what nonsense you can do with the current freely available programmes, I used Whatsapp voice messages to reproduce ***** voice. You should now realise the impact on your life. Because it didn't even take me two hours. With further automation, in the future you will only have to press two buttons and then you will even be able to distort/transform your own voice into someone else's on the spot. The sample file was only two minutes long. Who knows if scenes like the one from "Mission Impossible: https://youtu.be/CgX4uJSj00Y" will be possible or already are. We are in the post-truth age; you can't even believe yourself any more.
Copyright is for loosers!
Sooner or later, there will be some (need for content) kind of watermark for voices. Will we distort our voices or input false sounds just to stay safe? How many does your phone company know and collects about you? When even your friends can use this tech, are you surprised others get nervous about their privacy? Personally, this was a matter of time and I thought a voice changer would be developed way before any image generating AI. I asked myself how big websites like Facebook kept track and use my data. Simple research leaves everybody felling vulnerable. Your concerns can only be squashed by yourself. As much as your friends could use any tool for any reason to everything possible, it's up to you to limit exposure to said dangers. This is not a warning, because it already happened. This is managing damage, you should too.
Every tactic to tell/educate people about possible downsides will be ignored. Now is your time to act and probably take advantage instead of being the one left out. Maybe their own voice will change their mind.

Some thoughts about Gaza

23.02.28


I've not watched this video in full, so please excuse my errors. If you criticise the Semitic agenda you get hit by a Holocaust disclaimer. Do you know why? German people do know, some even understand the reasoning for their slogan "Never again" and can accurately explain why "Never again is now!" is so dangerous. The same people will identify the underlying problem in the famously quoted Orwell, Huxley and Bradbury books. (Subjectively there is a "best" way to experience and learn, let me explain:) I made it my duty to help people, to find the best/efficient solution for their problem. One big issue in the current world is a lack of understanding and reinventing the same matters over and over again. So I try to explain in simple language: At the beginning Israel was in the right. After all one side attacked first and everything going on before that were acts of aggression like throwing slurs. Yes, Israel discriminates and expands against Palestinians as long as they do not integrate into the "western lifestyle. Palestinians are the oppressed group in Israel. These two were major reasons (grievances for Casus Belli) of the radical arm of the Hamas (party) used to justify their attack onto Israeli civilians. In return, the IDF used similar tactics. I think, the IDF just obscured their doing by complying with the rules of war until nobody cared any more. We will never understand the full picture, but to blame just one side is foolish. Call out the perpetrators! "Shaun" watches some propaganda and concludes that Israel is at fault This reatart really things the current year argument works with human nature 16:20 he just calls out one side for whatever reason and doesn't care about evidence and motives 16:20 "muh my feelings" shut up this is war and nothing is further away as you are right now! I admit this things are wrong, but why do you only critizise the Israelians? 16:50 dont you fucking dare claiming any experience about attrosities by reading books about it and then say "its out of touch" you are just weak willed and can't keep up in a position of power, your pretentious little prick. Oversimplification is a thing and exactly what you are doing, lieing by omitting evidence. Go fuck yourself with all the theorie mixing and Circumstantial evidence 21:00 if this is your argument you complicate the history and make it about everything before the conflict and not what happened during it. to a certein point this is true but not as the only reason 27:55 yes, also the way neo nazis help out coutries with hig numbers of demigration is just bad... 39:00 arguing about human nature and being suppriesed if israel does the same slaughter as the arabs did the day before 42:30 yea war is war and I think the second world war war completly uneccasery

The fail of the hello machine

23.03.01

During the past last years one thing became obvious to me. Mobile phones are part of human nature. But one thing is missing, I write "dindon" or ringing text instead of using the actual bell. A major problem is reliability of services like whatsapp, facebook and google. Sometimes text messages seem to disapear if not expected, observed beforehand. The most reliable way to reach people are still sms and calls. So my idea of the "There App" would rely on these functions instead of Internet services. I'm not sure how to get good results with automated gps bound ringing.

Society, good People, cognitive Dissonanz

23.03.05

In a current snapshot of societal extremes there are nearly always two parties to find. Good people and sceptics are ironic enough labels for the ones in their kind of bubble. They take the world far too serious. Both groups are indoctrinated to be on the right side of history, and their mission is to convince the other. This dynamic mainly comes from the sceptics, because a good person think to find and attach their name to a good cause is enough. Sceptics tend to be unsure than that. They are Cynics by nature and see things more clearly with black and white glasses. If now a sceptic and good People meet, there will be cognitive dissonance.

Sensory, False, Alternative Reality; How cameras warped our perception of reality

23.03.08

Nearly a year ago we witnesed a looming developement of games. Since ultra realistc is kind of a hardware bound and hard to archive trope some analysed stylistic choices and how more performant ways lead to a timles perseption of "realism". Apply both fields, modern graphics with old tropes of limitations and you get last generation camera technolgy. Our solutions to experience the world in a persistand and repeatable way lead down a path of limited sensory devices. Not only our brain breaks down most eperiences, but cameras do too. The way they do is mostly a cost effective. So, whitch kind of camera was most active/used in active, high risk areas: Go-Pros, BodyCams, Action Cams, 360s and Mobile Phones.
A new russian trend took the scene in that regard. Their need to be at the front of raytracing (Atomic Heart, even tho it was scraped) and realism (Bodycam, they failed) made them develope a unique artstyle only escaped by artist painters in recent years. Pseudo realism. Again, with some of their favourite tropes. Privat Military Company, Hardcore (Henry), Technological limitation and censorship. They like to censor faces and wobly movement. Look for yourself:


A month in America

24.04.22

All of the sudden I don't post anything, go silent. For a month I visited the United States of America, from New York, Washingtion DC. to Orlando. My main goal was to cause chaos without damage. In other words I was bored... and the only thing on my list with the biggest impact without any repercussions was to visit the other side of the world. Since I don't speak any asian language north America was the natural decision. In retrospect, I had more luck than an actual working plan. Planing was falling short, because of the short time frame I had to do everything. Even shortly before starting to travel most parts were just task and goal. I couldn't visit the white house or the pentagon without a form, that should have been applied at least a month before. But I was bussy activating my credit card and paying for the hotels, bnbs, hostels and rentals. Yea, priority were sleeping spaces and transportation, where I could I just left things out and dealt with them later or on time. No thought was put in food or cleanliness. Safety was a afterthought and atractions were sorted out during my stay.
A worry free or naiv mind without a proper plan would had worked too. Luckely a failsafe, implemented due to my (not diagnoesd) paranoia helped me pay for a hostel in Orlando that wasn't already in advanced. During the whole travels the only problem arise was digital payment aka. the credit card. I didn't noticed that a payment month for a credit card starts at the day it got required and not the the first of each month. So, half of my stay was paied while already visiting, it didn't get through until after leaving the capitol.

New York City
Travel

Map of NYC Subway (collapsible)
Bus, Ferry or Sub, there is a ticket for them all. You won't need anything else when exploring the city and surroundings. Good preparation is to look up the local apps and online services.
I stayed in your average lower Manhattan hotel. Two meter squared including the bed, with walls that don't reach the ceiling. People were very nice and forth coming, I sometimes caught myself happy in stressful situations. The city took my full attention, it was the right amount of mental load. More than once, fear got the better of me and got me paranoid. Sitting in an empty train, too much or no people at all in some streets, restaurant staff being petty or funny. But not once I noticed actual danger. For a while, I lied when asked for my home country. "European" I said, but they caught my drift and were nice about it.
The museums are awesome. They respect your capabilities, and tours don't rely on being funny.

Now to my personal experiences:
I took a cap from the airport. The driver, an Indian looking man in a medium sized yellow box car, was very respectful and asked me just a couple of questions, determining if I even wanted to speak at all. But my nerves were kaput. We medianly got stuck at the first intersection. On the radio, they warned about flooding and that the bridges would probably close during the next storm. My destination was at Bowery. To my surprise, the driver couldn't help me any further than to a crossroad and I had to search for my hotel. Since I was to stingy to get a AT&T I had to rely on public wifis during the whole trip. Removing any sign of being a tourist was my first goal. So the flight sticker on my double bag went into some pocket. In any case, I was prepared for nearly everything and used a backup printout of the hotel listing, identified my location and that it was just a couple of avenues south.
On the way there, a black dude with his girlfriend pointed out to me that something stuck to my jeans. The flight sticker somehow got stuck on the back of my leg. This was my second experience of just a few with any New Yorker I had.
Next up was the check in. This time a true indian guy as it turned out also spoke my home country's language. He did very well, but one of my goals was to determine if the US. is a good place to emigrate. So I limited myself to speak much else than English.
I didn't tell many people about my vacation afterwards, and even then I am very secretive about it. Probably, because I know it sounds boring or even lonely. For me it was everything but that. For the first time in years I felt overwhelmed, at my limit of comprehension. Not much was out of the ordinary, other than this was the other side of the world. New found land! So much to experience, to see and learn. New York is the place to travel if you don't want to travel the whole world. Even if I limited myself to the main island and never went further north than Central Park. It was an experience to behold and I fell in love with the city.

Virginia, Fairfax
The thought was to find a nice place in between Dulles Airport and Washington, DC. Cost was a big concern, staying in the capitol was expensive or dangerous (as per crime charts). Parking prices are way too high, even if included by the hotel. Also, I watched a series called Fairfax, and up until the reservation thought it was a joke name.
As before mentioned, I wanted to check out as many things to look forward to when I ever decide to move to the US. So, I had to commute, because the public transport connection were even worse than walking.
I rented a white Dodge RAM 1500. Since I was not old enough they reduced their selection to only a couple vehicles, all of wich were pickup trucks.
The best museums are all around DC, and just a couple are actually directly inside. I wish I had done my homework and applied for a visit of the White House or the Pentagon. Instead, I made a big circle around the capitol and visited National Firearms Museum, National Museum of Health & Medicine the National Cryptologic Museum. The last wasn't as satisfying as much as I imagine the Pentagon would be, at least there was something for me to relate. For some odd reason I never visited a weapon range and it was my preferred way to encounter guns anyway.

Virginia, Richmond
My highlight was the first day visiting the Museum Of Fine Arts. Mostly for the group of goth chicks hanging around the shop.
-Museum of fine arts -Petersburg -Yorktown -Norfolk

Florida, Orlando
For the first night I staied at a hostel that was a repurposed motel room. It was gourgious with breakfast included. Right next door were a bunch of gift shops and a church.

Florida, St. Augustine -Jacksonville In Florida, they sold old books for two bucks at the oldest house. In fact, most museums sold some kind of paper or booklets.

"All in all, this "project" was born out of boredome and a lust for chaos. I consider it a failure, for not connecting with anybody or even getting to know a local more than on a surface level. A couple of good thing have been picked up upon returning and reflection. First, my friends count on me. They couldn't hold out longer than two weeks after messaging me. Second, I have a better understanding of my nivau and a bigger disconect towards some biases. Third, I recognized some character flaws and changed them. Fourth, mind your own business/liberty."
Aren't we all afraid that the world is like oneself? Afraid that the world is as divious and bad mouthed as you are? This, I am no longer.
Normal Mode

24.07.07

In the last couple of weeks I had a lovely workflow at my new job.

Rage

24.10.19

I promised myself that this year would be mine. For the first time in six years, I took an active part in my own life and changed jobs and went on a trip to the USA. When I returned my closest friend got a new girlfriend. On that friday we went to her favourit restaurant. My friend told me about his Gfs coworker that would accompany us. They tried to set us up. Now my grandmother died. New challenges appeared, we all grow up, at least a little. But there are things outside of my control, they make me get mad. I would like to explain myself. At least, an edgy and somewhat buried part of a disappointing existence. Empathy for me is mostly giving people permission for things I wouldn't dare to even think about: Forgiveness, Hope, Niceties.

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The Cheap House

24.12.05

This last saturday I visited a night club. A friend wanted me to drive him and his sister with friends to drive them to a disco. As the designated driver I had to stay sober and decided to skip partying together. Rather, I drove to the next Burger Restaurant and browse my phone a bit. This worked a couple of hours, but it was far from any reasonable departure time. I decided to treat myself a bit and visit a night club.
Previous experiences in that field lost me a lot of money. So this time my guard was up, to treat the ladies with repsect and avoid getting fooled again. That must have done the trick, I paied up, it paied out. They served some of the better coffees I had, asked some stuff or simply talked about random shit. All in all a pleasant experience. But I noticed how tired I was after driving back to pick up my friends. At the time a weird feeling creeped up I atributed to my tiredness. It lingered around this week, every time something reminded me of that event it crawled up my spine like ice. Cringing at every reminder of that night. Did something cringe worthy happen that night? It would stay unexplained until today. A good friend picked me up and we croused around talking. He explained: There is a huge gap inbetween the real deal, the emotional connection and simply a theatrical experience. Picking up the false vibes or even a major disconnect towards a person apperantly makes me sick, shyness.

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